Bombs Away

What an interesting world we live in when people who need jobs can't get jobs because of lack of experience, and yet they are applying for the job to get said experience. Does no one in the industry believe that someone could possibly pick up on the job training quickly and be a vital part of the team? Think about it there are some many companies that have their own variety of systems, and engines, and ways of doing things, isn't it at least plausible that someone with half a brain could possibly be able to figure out what their company does differently? Seriously how about just giving someone a 90 minute trial, and if they can't cut it you drop them. Yes I know everyone wants that perfect employee on the first try, but lets face it shit happens, and sometimes the dark horse turns out to be the true stud.

Oh well, I guess that's why I'm not the employer at this current moment in time. Internet Journalism really doesn't pay the bills unless you have some substantial backers willing to help. Its also a place where if you know someone, or someone knows you, you have that much more of a leg up on the competition. The problem is that there are many times where I feel these sites fail to uphold their end of the bargain, they get swooned by the money that a sponsor gives them and then they are no longer going with their gut on reviews, or news. Then again I'm sure if you are served enough Kool-Aid, at the right price, it would be pretty tempting to taint a couple of reviews.

I know there's probably not a lot of people out there that read this blog, hell I barely remember that I've still got this, on most days, but I'm seeing this is more of a venting platform for me. Sure everything is connected now, and I'm sure some future employer way down the road will read this and think I'm a bitchy son of a bitch, but the truth of the matter is that at least I'm willing to voice my opinion, and my gut about what is happening around me. Sure I do it in written words, most definitely more than I do with spoken words, but the end results are the same, someone is going to hear the voice, any they may agree, or they may disagree. Sure I could say that I've got it all right, but lets be honest there isn't any one or place or company that has it completely right. Also surely there isn't a place that isn't tainted ever so slightly for the love of green. We live in a capitalistic society, so the more you get the better you look. Sure the art side is great, and the passion is amazing, but with just those two things you might still have to hold that as a hobby, and take on a second job, much like I do, to pay the bills.

Another Post Because I Felt like it

I've got to say as the time has gone on with the Altered Confusion stuff that I'm both excited and beyond stressed out about it. I feel that we're making some kind of a connection with some people, but at the same time I also feel like those some people are in the single digits. I want to have all the up to the minute news, and I want to have the latest and greatest games reviewed, but when it comes to the majority of that its just me. I wish I had someone with the passion that I had to help me along on this journey.

But enough about that... haven't you ever felt that you have such potential but that its locked behind some kind of invisible wall inside you, and you feel the urge to do something, but when you do it you fall well short of what you're trying to do. For example I know I can write a story, I have all the confidence in the world, but when I actually sit down to right, its gone, there's no story to be had, and if there is one I get about 5 pages in and then poof... done.

Same deal with my comics, I feel that I could do good comics, but my OCD has definitely de-railed that train to the point that I'm going to do a complete reboot, and perhaps start with stick figures. Which of course would cause me to draw a lot more often, and perhaps I can improve my skills.

The sad thing is that I fall into the category of if I've got the book or I've done it once that I'll accel at it... and lets be honest, that shit never happens that way. Practice makes perfect, but in a world where I feel I have to squeeze every little second out there's just not enough time to practice. For example in an average week I have the 8 to 5 job, then I've got working out at the gym twice a week, I've also got a basketball game at least once a week that I play in, I'm trying to run Altered Confusion so I've got about 10 games that I need to play through, I want to update the comics on Altered Confusion so I need time to draw a comic, the average time of which is around 2 hours for one. I've also got the podcast at some point during the week, then I have to edit it and then load it up on the site. I've also got to keep up with the hot new news of what is going on in the gaming industry. I'm married so I like to spend time with my wife, and watch TV shows with her which averages about 2 to 3 hours a night. So I'm left with very little left to make practice perfect, but perhaps I just need the right motivation to break through.

I do have to say that working a job like the one I have, the paying one, not the Altered Confusion one, takes a lot out of someone because every three weeks I'm on-call for a week straight, most of the time I'm just sitting in front of the computer hoping that some work will come by otherwise I'm stuck staring blankly at my screen. I'm not allowed to do anything that doesn't appear to be work related so I can't work on my comics, on my writing (well besides a quick post), I definitely can't get away with playing games at my desk on the DS or PSP, and of course there's no chance that I will be allowed to read at my desk because that sends the wrong message.

Perhaps my trip to BlizzCon this week will be exactly what the doctor ordered and I'll finally start tearing down some walls, as for tonight, I'm hoping for a good basketball game, and perhaps a little time with the Mrs. as well as some gaming and comic time.

No one knew where they came from, but everyone would forever remember what they did to announce their presence. Not many people who saw the first shot hit the colony ship lived to tell the tale, but there were a few who not only survived that attack, but they went on to become important people in our history. As you know Earth in the year 2342 could no longer sustain life, we had regrettably used up all the resources, be it the air to breath, the water to drink, or the food to eat. We had squandered away the last of the resources in an attempt to revitalize the planet. It did not work.

On the day January 23rd, 2342 four colony ships, our last hope for our dying race left Earth behind. They flew past all the planets in our solar system, and then they flew by other solar systems that would had just begun to touch. They were to find a suitable home for us to once again prosper, and hopefully learn from our past mistakes. The Kilrothians didn't share that thought. It was on the 457th day that we made contact with one of their scout ships. We weren't really prepared for what happened next. In the blackness of space, the ship just disappeared, but when something reappeared, it was a much larger ship, and it put the first colony ship in their sights. The first ship didn't even have enough time to put up any sort of defense, the shot from the canon of the Kilrothian ship blew a hole clear through the ship, leaving only debris behind. The next two were a little bit better prepared and tried to make a run for it with their defenses up. They sustained several rounds of fire, and we held out hope that they would get away, but when the two other Kilrothian ships appeared, we knew that this would probably do us in. While all the chaos with the other ships occurred, the final ship was unloading passengers via escape pods. No one knew if these pods would ever find the surface of a planet, but it had to be a better chance of survival, over staying on the ship. It wasn't until halfway through the unloading that all three Kilrothian ships finally turned their canons upon the last colony ship. In a spectacular, yet eerie display of lights the last colony ship was destroyed. To this day I'll never know how we got away and the Kilrothians didn't hunt down the pods, perhaps they thought we'd die on our own, or perhaps they were convinced that someone out there would find us and finish the job they started.

I'd like to try something, and this might not even work, but what the hell I don't think this is really on anyone's radar any more, I think anyone who used to come here most definitely has relocated to AlteredConfusion.com, the site with all the news, reviews, comics, and podcasts. What I'd like to try and do is start writing a story and then posting sections of it on the blog. Now I have to warn you I like using way too many commas, and sometimes my sentences run on for days, but hopefully this will prove to be a fruitful endeavor.

It's Time For Another Blog

Dear Diary, let me count the ways... no seriously that's not how I want to start this, what I want to say is that life is flying by so fast it will make your head spin. I can't even blink or I'll miss something. I want to be able to play every video game out there, to read every great book, or see every amazing movie, but life stands in the way of it, or at least how today's society views how one should go through life. With rules and regulations the ability to full grasp life disappears, and leaves some empty, and maybe even more than a little stressed.

Right now my brain is so fried that I'm having a hard time simply thinking of what the next sentence is going to be, where am I going with this, and is someone about to walk into my cube to read over my shoulder. This is all stuff that batters me and then I'm left dazed wondering how the hell I'm going to be able to actually "live" my life today. It is too easy to just let the rest of the day, a part that I have some control over, to just slip through my hands, and I won't be able to accomplish anything that I want to accomplish.

Another thing I'm finding hard to do is listening to a conference call and writing, I'm sure that I might have accidentally slipped some of what is being said on the phone because multi-tasking while exhausted really doesn't work. At least not for me, I'm sure there are those out there who have beyond mastered this problem, but in that respect I'm just a lowly novice.

Alright I better stop writing, I don't really have the fire to write right now, and I'm starting to really eye that energy drink that I know I shouldn't take, but I know I'll have to take if I want to have any hope of making it to the end of the business day so that I can pick up my dog, and then go home and probably space out, hopefully with the capacity to reclaim some of the energy that I so desperately need.

Grow a Fucking Pair

Look I understand that Dungeons and Dragons have some very bad stereotypes associated with it, but to not at least try it out and be shackled by the fear that you might like it and then end up one of the stereotypical nerd players (you know the one's sweaty, never takes showers, cheetos stained shirts). Its simply retarded to pass on the opportunity where your imagination is really the only limits, well your's and the storyteller's.

Yes there are some people who take the game more serious than others, and yes there are people who have trouble with not seeing the blurring line between reality and the game, but that doesn't have to be everyone, and its not going to happen to everyone. There's so much to be gained by simply playing a game at least once. Some might find it interesting and once done never go back again, but at least they tried. There might also be those out there who enjoy it to the degree that they come back, maybe not passionately every given chance, but on occasion.

Why would you turn down the chance to become fully a different character, something crafted by your hands, where you actually get to make all your players decisions. Where the answers and actions you can take aren't limited by some computer system's guidelines. I'm not saying that there aren't rules, but there's room for change within this type of game. Imagine yourself playing a MMO and there's some kind of mechanic that is rubbing you the wrong way, well in a pencil and paper game the Storyteller, or DM, could change that kind of stuff up on the fly.

So please stop trying to stereotype the people who find enjoyment in this game, and just give it a shot. You never know what could happen.

False Entitlement

I went to the Hawks game last night and what I found there was something I'll never forget, or understand. The Hawks had moments where they showed that they are a power to be reckoned with, but for the most part the Hawks played as if they couldn't lose the game, no matter how flat Crawford's shot was, or how Zaza appeared once in the game to have a very questionable flagrant foul called on him and then sit on the bench the rest of the game. The Hawks are falling apart from the inside out. The faith in what this team can do is almost completely gone. Especially since they have to go to Milwaukee and the Hawks are not a road team whatsoever. I would LOVE, freaking LOVE, to be proven wrong, but I think this is now the time to kiss Joe Johnson goodbye as he is going to move onto what he believes are greener pastures, but will probably be a building project, just like Atlanta continues to be.

Look, Hawks, I understand that you guys are a great team, but PLAY like it, don't just think it, do it. Stop your bickering, stop your whining, just play fucking basketball. If I had the chance like all of you have, even if its to sit on the bench the entire game with the exception of 4 minutes, I will be playing balls to the wall hard nose basketball. Even if we're up by double digits. The Hawks are capable of pounding a team into the ground, but everytime you wound them, you take your foot off the gas, STOP doing that. If it's the coach who is pulling back on the throttle, shut him out and destroy your opponent. Zone out the crowd, and get the bigs posted down low and beat them up. The Hawks have size and strength, but only used it sparingly, that shits got to start happening. Yes its not as glamorous, and yes Crawford and Joe don't get the ball as often, but if you can get that inside game working, then those two will reap the benefits because the Bucks will have to double up down low and they'll get the ball back, wide open, for thier shots.

About time

Well its been about 2 years since last I was on this site. I figured since my other site, alteredconfusion.com is all work, I'd come back here to write some stuff. I thought about putting a blog area on Altered Confusion, but it didn't feel right when I gave it a quick test run.

So its 2 years down the road, I am now married, still live in the same place, still testing the waters with my semi-artistic skills. I have taken my foot a bit off the pedal when it comes to game reviews simply because I was going to burn out real quick if I tried to review games in the quantity of 3 people. Now that didn't sound exactly right so basically doing 3 people's jobs by myself, just for reviews.

Altered Confusion has been one hell of an interesting experience. It really shows how much I've had to work on it and how those who I thought would be as eager as I was to do it, have not been. The toughest thing for me is the fact that I sometimes have the hardest time trying to figure out why everyone isn't as passionate about this as I am.

The answer is that it's not their baby. I created this thing, basically set out a guideline, and since it structured how I think it should work there are those who just don't see it that way. There are those out there who are trapped in their jobs, or have changed with the years of life they have already spent.

I've wanted to go back down that road of creativity, the one I had since birth until basically I graduated from Full Sail. The problem then becomes the fact that I no longer possess those friends that live near me, that at a drop of a hat will come together and play a paper and pencil game, or a random boardgame that very few have heard of. For that I'm truly saddened. Yes there are those rare glimmers, and maybe I've now got a routine starting to build so I can capture at least the board games once a week.

Now switching back to Altered Confusion. There are days where I feel like if I just quit my day job and focus solely on Altered Confusion that I'll be able to make it into something that I've only dreamed about. The honest truth though is that I'd never do that. Not that I'm giving up on my dream, but I know that if I didn't have my day job I would truly blow myself out of the water with the amount of stress and expectations of trying to make things happen fast. I've learned, though sometimes I don't want to follow this line of logic, that I may never become this uber awesome amazing easily recognizable person because of Altered Confusion, and there's a chance that I might float in obscurity for many many years to come, but if I keep doing what I'm doing because its something I like to do, then at the end of the day that's all that matters. If I'm trying to eventually turn a profit and that's the only thing that is driving me, and there's no joy in anything I do, then I might as well stop and save myself some time.

Now I'm sure that me taking my foot off the gas on certain parts of Altered Confusion could be seen as me slowly giving up, but the truth of the matter is that I want to continue to find enjoyment in games. I'm not doing this for a job I'm doing it for fun. If I forget that and start playing like a machine, I'd hate myself.

I know that I could write forever, and I'm sure that I could probably do it, but the truth of the matter is that that would not be seen as good use of my day at work, even though in my mind anything that allows me to keep myself busy and alert for the next thing is good use of time.