About time

Well its been about 2 years since last I was on this site. I figured since my other site, alteredconfusion.com is all work, I'd come back here to write some stuff. I thought about putting a blog area on Altered Confusion, but it didn't feel right when I gave it a quick test run.

So its 2 years down the road, I am now married, still live in the same place, still testing the waters with my semi-artistic skills. I have taken my foot a bit off the pedal when it comes to game reviews simply because I was going to burn out real quick if I tried to review games in the quantity of 3 people. Now that didn't sound exactly right so basically doing 3 people's jobs by myself, just for reviews.

Altered Confusion has been one hell of an interesting experience. It really shows how much I've had to work on it and how those who I thought would be as eager as I was to do it, have not been. The toughest thing for me is the fact that I sometimes have the hardest time trying to figure out why everyone isn't as passionate about this as I am.

The answer is that it's not their baby. I created this thing, basically set out a guideline, and since it structured how I think it should work there are those who just don't see it that way. There are those out there who are trapped in their jobs, or have changed with the years of life they have already spent.

I've wanted to go back down that road of creativity, the one I had since birth until basically I graduated from Full Sail. The problem then becomes the fact that I no longer possess those friends that live near me, that at a drop of a hat will come together and play a paper and pencil game, or a random boardgame that very few have heard of. For that I'm truly saddened. Yes there are those rare glimmers, and maybe I've now got a routine starting to build so I can capture at least the board games once a week.

Now switching back to Altered Confusion. There are days where I feel like if I just quit my day job and focus solely on Altered Confusion that I'll be able to make it into something that I've only dreamed about. The honest truth though is that I'd never do that. Not that I'm giving up on my dream, but I know that if I didn't have my day job I would truly blow myself out of the water with the amount of stress and expectations of trying to make things happen fast. I've learned, though sometimes I don't want to follow this line of logic, that I may never become this uber awesome amazing easily recognizable person because of Altered Confusion, and there's a chance that I might float in obscurity for many many years to come, but if I keep doing what I'm doing because its something I like to do, then at the end of the day that's all that matters. If I'm trying to eventually turn a profit and that's the only thing that is driving me, and there's no joy in anything I do, then I might as well stop and save myself some time.

Now I'm sure that me taking my foot off the gas on certain parts of Altered Confusion could be seen as me slowly giving up, but the truth of the matter is that I want to continue to find enjoyment in games. I'm not doing this for a job I'm doing it for fun. If I forget that and start playing like a machine, I'd hate myself.

I know that I could write forever, and I'm sure that I could probably do it, but the truth of the matter is that that would not be seen as good use of my day at work, even though in my mind anything that allows me to keep myself busy and alert for the next thing is good use of time.