So here I am just sitting at my desk wondering what to do next. I have a weekend packed with obstacles, and with the potential to get shit done. The issue is that all the obstacles have to be overcome, I can't just push them to the side and hope for the best.
The sister is getting married in April and its time to get fitted for the suit that I will be purchasing, I basically equate it to around 5 to 6 video games worth of moneys. Then there's the little fact that my current employment has me dragging around the company laptop, and to basically be a good little boy this entire week to make sure that if shit breaks I'm there to save the world. Only problem is that I have to be on the move, and there's no way to fix something if I'm trying to get from point A to point B.
I'm a rambler, and I like to ramble, damn it, I have so many thoughts coming through my head at a given moment that sometimes I lose track of what is going on around me. Now of course that will definitely make me find my balls on the chopping block for doing something that I'm not suppose to be doing, or just forgetting to do something that I said I'd do. No one's perfect, but when you get called out for that kind of shit enough times you can feel the weight bearing down on you.
MMOs scare the shit out of me, I see the potential of getting lost in the world created for my enjoyment, where I can be a villan or a hero, and not have to worry about the real world consequences, and yet the more one draws themselves into their preferred mode of living, through the game, the more difficult it is to get back out.
I love getting lost in books, video games, movies, etc. for that instance, I can let everything weighing me down disappear... I do this on vacation almost every single time, if I'm allowed to. I say that because there are times when vacations take place with certain individuals where the weight does not disappear but increases 10 fold. Sorry people but I like to have my quiet moments, at my own pace, and you dictating when and what to do, is not my pace.
Is it just me or when you get that chance to escape and you finally decide you're ready to come back 9 out of 10 times someone's waiting to kick you in the nuts and welcome you back to the real world. Yes I know life is hard, and you just have to go with the flow from time to time, but forgive me for wanting to break those shackles, and trying to live life to the fullest. Yes you have to find a way to balance, but fuck balance... to be free, to be able to love, to be able to feel, to be able to want to get out of bed, that's what I want, I don't want to have the pain of wasting away everyday constantly knocking at my brain.
So I try to create something, something that will give me a shot to raise out of this dank world, but there's problems, with most issues that one comes upon in life, you need assistance, you need something to help you through the tough times, and as much as my love of my life wants to help, what I'm trying to do isn't in her wheelhouse, and I can see that it kills her that she can't help me try to make what I've got work the way I want it.
Now that I have your attention, well maybe one person out there, I can tell you that I've created a website, a website for video games. Yes one of the 300,000 out there, and yes I know with only one person constantly working on it, and from time to time a couple extra voices, it aint going to get traction. Then there's the fact of the $$ that's been put into this endeavor because I want it to succeed. The business license, the federal tax id, the domain registrations, etc. Then there's the fact that I average about 6 people a week after all that. That's right folks a whopping 6 people, and all but two I know who they are.
Is it so bad that I want to be able to show off my passion so much that I'm willing to throw more than my blood, sweat, and tears at it? Is it bad that I feel like shit because things don't always go according to plan... I mean come on, you go on one web host, one that's free but constricting, and then you see the huge number of hits, and then you think DAMN I got this... then when you open up a new shop, and leave a link on the old place you see that NONE of the traffic follows. The reason, people have the ability to hit the view random site on the other provider, with the provider I have now, I don't have that ability, and search engines all but bury my site.
I don't want people to feel bad for me, I'd love to have people go to my site, and have it actually gain some traction, but I think there's still more things I need to do to get this damn thing to work. I've got news, I've got podcasts, I've got webcomics, and reviews. So does half the world.
